State of the City (of Miami)

People have been asking about my trip to Miami, so I’ll lay it out for you. Miami was about the same as last year, only more so. Let me explain.

Cell phones. I usually enjoy driving in Miami – it’s not nearly as stressful as driving in Singapore. But this year I’d have to call it about even. The reason is cell phone related. It appears that Miami cars will not move unless the driver is talking on the cell. You see a guy creeping along with half a mile of space between him and the car in front and as you pass him and shoot him a dirty look you notice he is on the phone. Everyone in the mall is also on the phone. What the hell are these people talking about all the time? I almost wonder how people were able to function before we all had cell phones.

Traffic. As if driving while yakking on the phone isn’t bad enough, most of the expressways are in their usual state of being under renovation. You drive along and see debris everywhere, the roads lined with earth moving equipment of all sorts, yet you never see any work being done. Maybe they ran out of money. It’s been going on for many years, but this time I noticed signs on the road saying the works would be completed in – get this: 2015. Wanna bet?

Cars. Last year marked the debut of the “new” retro Camaro and Mustang. This year I noticed quite a few new retro Dodge Chargers. I sure hope they don’t bring back the AMC Gremlin.

Bazoombas. It looks like the last few adult women who had not had boob jobs have now had them. Not a single woman over the age of 18 has avoided the knife, and the teen market is rapidly being exploited. This is disturbing on several counts:

1. So many doctors are going into plastic surgery rather than doing something useful with their lives. Don’t they have any qualms about taking a seat in medical school just to give insecure women bazoombas the size of Jay Leno’s head?

2. So many women are willing to look ridiculously fake in a pathetic attempt to feel good about themselves.

3. An entire generation of teenage boys will grow up never knowing the feel of a real breast.

Black leggings. I think I recall seeing one female who wasn’t wearing black leggings. Probably not.

Like I said, it’s all the same, only more so.