Guns "R" Us

One Sunday morning during my extended holiday in Miami I picked up a copy of the Miami Herald. The Sunday edition is quite hefty, though it is light on news. The damn thing is mostly advertising inserts from K-Mart, Walmart, Target, Macy’s, JCPenney, Walgreens, CVS, Staples, and practically every other store in the county.

There was even one from Badass Pro Shops (I have added a couple of letters to disguise the name). What do they sell there – bass? Pros? Bait? This Temple of Testosterone, this Monument to Macho sells everything the modern sportsman could ever want, and quite a bit more. A glance through the insert told me I had to see this place for myself.

I visited an outlet in the Doral area. In the parking lot was the usual array of pickup trucks with bumper stickers proclaiming “When guns are outlawed I will become an outlaw” and other comforting thoughts. Just inside the entrance was a cozy little cafe serving not beef jerky and trail mix but coffee and pastry, just like at your friendly neighbourhood bookstore. Inside it had all kinds of gear for fishing, scuba, hunting, and camping, including rods and reels, guns and knives, ammo galore, clothing for the great outdoors in all its forms, candy, plus a wide selection of boats and trailers and 4x4s. All this and more under one massive roof (though the boats were outside and technically not under the roof). This place would arouse Sarah Palin the way a trip to the jewelry store would excite most normal women.

In the midst of it all was the gigantic “educational aquarium,” which would not have been out of place at Sea World. I think they mean educational in the sense of how lobbyists “educate” politicians on various issues of importance to the public (not to mention themselves), such as, to pick a not exactly random example, the God-given right of everyone to own a gun. Or an entire arsenal.

Then I saw the object that had caught my eye in the ad. It was a Daisy BB gun, just like the ones my elementary school classmates used to shoot birds and squirrels and the occasional window. And it was only $29.99! And they even had some in pink! What is the educational message here?

On my trip back to Singapore we passed through Houston, and I noticed a very small Badass Pro Shop right there in the airport. What luck! I moseyed in and noticed that they sold mostly clothing and small items. I asked the lady who worked there if they sold any guns. She said not at that outlet, in a matter of fact tone that suggested she thought it wouldn’t be unusual to buy guns in a major international airport. I also spotted a Red Head Neck Pillow (you read it right, not a Redneck Head Pillow as you might expect) in a nice camouflage pattern for only $9.88. You wouldn’t want the friggin’ deer to see you napping, would you?