Predictions

After being back in South Florida for a couple of weeks, I have a pretty good idea of how things will shape up in the next 10-15 years.

SUVs as we know them will no longer be the monsters of the road. They will be the midgets of the road. Most people will drive around in customized buses outfitted with the following devices:

- Large flat screen TV – not for viewing when they are stopped or for the kids in the back, but for the driver, while he is driving.

- Gaming consoles – you can’t have a TV without games! For use as above. Now you can pretend to drive a car in a video game while you actually drive a real bus on the road!

- Internet access – because you need to be connected 24/7.

- Refrigerator – people gotta eat. Constantly.

- Microwave – see above.

- Roof rack – not for luggage (there are closets in the bus) or bicycles, but for scooters and power chairs, all paid for by Medicaid!

How are you going to park these behemoths at the mall? Why, in the parking lot, of course. There will be about 20 rows of parking for vehicles with handicapped decals, another row or two for people with strollers, and a couple of rows in the back for those who are still able to walk unassisted.

And what will people do to keep from dying of boredom as they walk or roll from their bus to the mall? You might think that watching out for buses driven by gaming snackers would be enough. But most people will be engaged on their hand-held devices, continuing their games, talking to loved ones on their videophone, doing their online social networking, or editing their TV show.

Yes, in a few years Facebook will not be enough, and everyone will have their own TV show. Of course they will have to watch their friends’ shows too.

You’re probably thinking, how will people have time for all of this? Won’t they have to work? In a word, no. They will all have advertising revenues streaming in from their TV shows, which will supplement their government stipends they started receiving after everyone realized the government could just print money forever.

Yes, a few people will still work. Doctors. Lawyers. Software developers. Legions of government employees. But most people will have realized there is no need to work, or to do anything productive. Let those suckers in China work!